Otis Farrell July 24, 1999 - October 4, 2013 RIP

[Rubytuesday]

Re: Otis Farrell July 24, 1999 - October 4, 2013 RIP

Oh Bill, I wish I could take away this pain you need to walk through, but as you know that would mean all those 14 wonderful years would have to go away too.

I was sobbing to the video. Such a beautiful sadness. it really brought me back to the first evening without Ruby. I came to my family in the living room and just crumpled.

I loved the middle of the video when she/Otis is leaping and frolicking. hang onto that in the days ahead. I believe the agony is ours and although I am sure O misses you just as much as you miss him, his spirit has been released from his painful body.

I'm glad.....if this is the right word, for you and Otis that the end came quickly. we wouldn't lose them any sooner, but watching, waiting and dreading when our world will fall apart is so excruciating.

Tara

[diggydog]

Re: Otis Farrell July 24, 1999 - October 4, 2013 RIP

Oh Bill

I can only imagine the heart ache ur feeling right now.
Something I keep with me is from my vet. When he diagnosed Alfie with his brain tumour I crumpled. He told me that the sadness we feel letting them go gives worth to their lives with us. We have them for too shot a time but love then enough to last a lifetime.

Big O has not only left a huge hole in ur hear but a huge hole for all ur who knew him through u. He was one special little guy to touch the lives of so many that never even met him.

Allison

[momofdecker]

Re: Otis Farrell July 24, 1999 - October 4, 2013 RIP

Bill,
I looked through the big O's pictures and enjoyed seeing him through the years. Loved the one with him in your hands. Such a precious tiny little pup.

We got Decker when he was just six weeks old. Sometimes it seems like things come full circle. They need so much as tiny little pups and again near the end they look to us to take care of them. Those years in between I think they spend taking care of us - so unconditional. Hope sweet memories of Otis will bring a smile to your face today.

[bgdavis]

Re: Otis Farrell July 24, 1999 - October 4, 2013 RIP

Bill,

I just logged in and found out that Otis has crossed the Bridge. I'm so very sorry. I know the awful feeling of seeing them struggle to breathe as the fluid fills their lungs. I've been there and made the same hard choice you did for Otis.

Hugs,
Bonnie and Angel Criss Ann

[jenny]

Re: Otis Farrell July 24, 1999 - October 4, 2013 RIP

Dear Bill,
So very very sad and sorry to hear your news. Otis was such a brave darling.
Bless you both at this sad parting.
The poem is so poignant and expressive of the love our best friends bring to our lives. Really beautiful. Thank you.
We are all thinking of you and sending you love and strength.

[farrwf]

Re: Otis Farrell July 24, 1999 - October 4, 2013 RIP

Thanks everyone for your very kind comments. I knew losing Otis would have a big impact on me, but I had no idea just how big. Here I am 6 days later and am still leaking tears at the drop of a hat. It’s hard to believe just how much I loved that little 30 lb. ball of fur!

Last Friday Otis had a lot of wax around one of his ears, much more than I’d ever seen before. As I was cleaning it I noticed quite a bit of blood in the area also. Called his vet and was told I could drop him off and one of the doctors would see him between appointments. Didn't think a whole lot about it, as Otis had recurring ear problems for years. After I dropped him at the vet's, I got a haircut and stopped by the grocery to pick up a chicken for him. I always added some crock pot chicken or ground chuck to his W/D kibble so he would eat and I could give him his insulin.

I arrived back home and after putting the groceries away, was going to get his chicken started in the crock pot and call the vet to see when I could pick him up. I checked my answer machine and found 4 messages from his doctor, all coming within a 30 minute period. Right then, even before listening to them, I knew we had big problems. The calls started about an hour after I dropped Otis off and were all a variant of "Mr. Farrell, this is Dr. Whistler please call me as soon as you can, ... Otis is not doing well." I called immediately and was told Otis was experiencing severe congestive heart failure, his lungs were about 75% filled with fluid and his breathing was quite labored. They drained some fluid from his lungs, and he'd been given a sedative and was resting comfortably, but the outlook was not good.

This was a complete shock to me and while talking to the Doctor the decision was made not to cause my Otis to suffer any longer. He'd been fighting battles on too many fronts, been suffering too long and this fight was one we could not win. A neighbor who was close to Otis came with me to say goodbye and to be there for him as he left us. That was the hardest thing I ever had to do and last Friday turned out to be the saddest day of my life.

Brenda took some pictures and videos while we were with Otis before the doctor came in. I melt every time I look at them. I have loads of pictures and videos of Otis through the years and he just looks so much older and so much more frail in these last ones, even from ones taken less than a year ago. In fact, the poor guy looked older and much more frail from when I dropped him off just a few hours earlier. I just wanted to hold my little guy and keep hugging him. I couldn’t get enough of him before he passed, ... just wanted to keep petting him and talking to him forever. When I felt the life leave my little boy it was as if a huge piece of me was suddenly missing. They were nice enough to let me come in and leave through a rear entrance to the clinic as I knew I would be a sobbing mess. Several of the technicians who had known Otis for years were crying too. It was a sad, sad scene. I need to call his doctor to get his ashes, and I also want a detailed explanation of how his heart condition could have gone undetected when he had a pretty thorough examination only 3 weeks earlier. Just haven't been up to doing that yet.

Looking back on everything it is obvious to me my Otis really stopped enjoying his life as he always had after he lost his vision. Of course, he had some good and some not so good days, but nothing like his pre diabetes / blindness life. He used to enjoy racing around the golf course with his Westie friends and them chasing each other, as well as sitting in my office looking out of his favorite window for extended periods. Those days were over for him when he lost his eyesight. He developed chronic sinusitis as a byproduct of his severe allergies, which was impacting him more often, than not. His arthritis and mobility problems increased in the last several months to where I believe the only times he really enjoyed himself was when he was eating or sleeping. Seems the Metacam helped the problem he was having with his rear legs ... but his front shoulder didn’t seem to be responding to anything we tried. In spite of all the meds he was receiving, his pain got so bad in the last couple of months I carried him on most of his "bathroom" trips out to our backyard, and would hold him steady as he took care of his needs. I’m sure that bothered him a lot because he had always been quite modest about “going” where people could see him. He always found a bush or tree to get behind. He did maintain a great appetite right up to the end.

Would I do it again? ... Can’t think of anything I would enjoy more, diabetes & all!

[peggy0]

Re: Otis Farrell July 24, 1999 - October 4, 2013 RIP

so sorry Bill. I have a picture of forbin on my desk at work and my eyes fill with tears every morning when I say Hi Buddy. He's one dog that was truly part of my heart so I understand

[Monsters Momma]

Re: Otis Farrell July 24, 1999 - October 4, 2013 RIP

Thank you for sharing that incredibly difficult story with me. I know you shared it with all of us, but I felt you were talking directly to me...it's such a personal story, sad and poignant.

If your words don't show, your pictures show me what a big part he was in your life. You cannot expect 6 days to have much of an affect on your heart when there's a huge hole in it. What a cute little fur ball he was...I assume that picture was when you first got him. Then of course the pictures as he got older. I love him laying in the sun...I can look at that picture and think back to a dog I lost that used to do that, and now I can do it with a smile. Some day, you'll be able to think back and smile, but it may take awhile. Give yourself that time.

Praying for peace and comfort for you.
Mel

[momofdecker]

Re: Otis Farrell July 24, 1999 - October 4, 2013 RIP

Would I do it again? ... Can’t think of anything I would enjoy more, diabetes & all!

Says it all right there....

[Soaphie & Sydney's Mom]

Re: Otis Farrell July 24, 1999 - October 4, 2013 RIP

Sending you more hugs Bill...

[jesse girl]

Re: Otis Farrell July 24, 1999 - October 4, 2013 RIP

oh yes bill i would do it all over again

it was time you gave him the gift of removing his pain the problem is we take on the pain for them as they leave (the emotional pain )

i guess there is no easy way its a process and a peace of us goes with them .thats why a humane heart is so big it has to be

[Judi]

Re: Otis Farrell July 24, 1999 - October 4, 2013 RIP

I love all of your pictures Bill. Thinking of you and your Otis. Judi

[jebsmom]

Re: Otis Farrell July 24, 1999 - October 4, 2013 RIP

So very sorry. What a precious, beautiful boy. Praying that you will feel his comfort.

[Rubytuesday]

Re: Otis Farrell July 24, 1999 - October 4, 2013 RIP

I couldn’t get enough of him before he passed, ... just wanted to keep petting him and talking to him forever.

When I felt the life leave my little boy it was as if a huge piece of me was suddenly missing.

Bill, this first sentence brings me back to the poem you posted when the dog asks the person not to falter when it is timed to let them go. Such an incredibly hard thing to do.

The second sentence brings me back to when I helped my first dog Stevie go. As I felt her spirit slip away it felt as though I took a knife in my belly...I had always thought it was just a saying, but it truly felt like that.

In the past when I have felt the end near I have taken a lot of pictures. Those pictures have haunted me after, when you can then see how hollowed out your best friend had become.

I am so glad to see your post. thought about you often today. Do you still have Savannah or any other dogs? I hope there is someone 2 or 4 legged to give you comfort.

And if not or in addition to, we are always here for you....so many of us having gone through it ourselves recently.

Tara

[scoora]

Re: Otis Farrell July 24, 1999 - October 4, 2013 RIP

Bill, Love all the pictures of Otis. What a precious boy.
Again, sorry for your loss. I know the pain. Thinking of you and Otis.