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Old 11-15-2014, 09:05 AM
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Rubytuesday Rubytuesday is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
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Default Re: Jenny Diabetic & Cushings Poodle is an Angel...

Aww Judi, I read your posts since losing Jenny and it sounds as though you have the comfort of not questioning your decision. It seems there are two parts to grieving for our animals; mourning the loss of the physical body and the tangible companionship. Then there is wondering if you could have/should have done more.

I think the wondering is more present with the loss of our animals then with our people because we are our animals advocates....but that word seems so removed. We are their hands, their voices.....and in some cases their eyes.

Losing my brother to undiagnosed colon cancer had none of the wondering. People have free will and I and the family did what we could. It can be a blessing and a curse to be our animals...basically Power of Attorney.

I am going on about this because a trait I find so attractive in people and am working toward is the ability to hold one's own counsel. How tortured I was in my process of letting Ruby go. If you are spared that it speaks well to your character.

When you describe Jenny just not really being there it sounds so like Ruby the days before I let her go. Natalie's words struck home of the huge character these girls had, that is so used to fighting against a body that has no more left to give.

Your recalling her last nights when even touching her would cause her discomfort reminds me of similar agonies. You want nothing more then to crawl into their skin and stop time, but the time has passed when anything you do can offer them comfort. You can only gaze at them trying to remember; the cow licks of fur, the silkiness for fur and their smell.....

As I write the last I try to keep the sadness at bay. I am coming to a year since losing Maggie and it surprises me how hard it still is. With all of that difficulty I have been asking myself and wondering of others, if we had the ability to skip the pain of losing them would we opt to do so? For me it is a resounding no.

In the end, although crippling at times, the pain is our initial connection to them in the other realm. I know myself. I am an easier, softer route if available. Without the deep craving for connection that used to be right at my feet or right by my side I wouldn't pursue or feel gratified by the harder less tangible means of connection that are left to me now.

The pain, while almost unbearable has a sweetness to it. Like weeping into the pillow by my head that took Ruby's spot for awhile. As odd as it seems it was a comfort for awhile....a routine to replace another routine to hold back the horrible void.

I keep thinking of your business partner who 2-3 yrs ago thought it was time to set Jenny free. Think of all those wonderful days, nights, walks and everything else that Jenny not only gave to you but that you gave to her.

I wish you comfort and grace in the days....months and years ahead. But most of all I wish you the openness if mind to feel Jenny as she comforts you from the other side.

Tara in honor of Ruby.
She was a courageous Boston Terrier who marched right on through diabetes, megaesophagus, and EPI until 14.
Lucky for both of us we found each other. I'd do it all again girly.
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