Angel Scooter... August 31, 2013

[peeweek9]

Re: Angel Scooter... August 31, 2013

Hi you guys,

I keep coming back here and reading your posts. A couple of moments these past few days I felt like I was going crazy from grief...like how come the world just keeps going on...but it does. I was shocked at the depth of feeling of desperation.

I walked Rudy today (the neighbor's Maltese...8 years ago I found him the home he is in now) and it was good to have a little Maltese by my side. When I got to his house I picked him up and gave him some belly rubs and kisses and he wasn't used to that. Normally, I just rattle the gate and he comes out charging through the doggie door and off we go. This time he got some special hugs and he was like...hey, lady...lets get walking! What is your problem? He walked 2 miles! He has a great family and they love him to pieces. I am his dog walker. I thought about not going today, but he still needed to go for a walk and I didn't want to think of him not getting his walk today. It did my heart good to look down at the little guy and know that life will go on.

I wasn't sure how I would feel and we are all different (like Craig says) so I just got on with it. Scooter would want that. But it isn't easy....here I am on this site....trying to stay connected.

Your posts are so heartfelt and appreciated.

[Rubytuesday]

Re: Angel Scooter... August 31, 2013

Perhaps I wonder it is because of the level of care that we give them, we never set them free, as we do children. We never have to prepare them for the world, and be dependent... as they will always be dependent upon us for all of their lives.

In addition, once they become diabetic or perhaps any health issue, they are that much more dependent upon us, if not for us, they would not survive. I think we disillussion ourselves and think we can fix anything... and are heartbroken when we can't. The funny thing is, that they go on each day... and live each day to it's fullest, and never worry about tomorrow.

Spot on Barb, great post.

Tara

[peeweek9]

Re: Angel Scooter... August 31, 2013

What more is there to say, Barb. Beautiful sentiment.

I didn't realize until today, the first day in the house alone, how much time we spent devoted to one another. I feel lost without my little man waiting to see what was coming his way next throughout the day. Dinner? Walk? Playing ball? Watching tv? Nap time? (NAP was his 2nd favorite word.) Ice cube? He even liked it when I said: Time for your shot! And he warmed to 'let me check your gums'. He did it without resistance (even after the first feeble attempts).

[Rubytuesday]

Re: Angel Scooter... August 31, 2013

I remember that state of mind well Eileen. I was at work after we lost my mom dog Abby and was watching people go about their day wondering when would I ever feel normal again.

When I returned home that night and was sobbing in my bed I was struck by an analogy. I came out and told my husband it is like we are standing in our house and everything looks ok from the outside. Then we turn around and realize there are only three walls and a huge gaping hole where the fourth wall should be. We were no longer complete or safe.....

It is so scary because you honestly don't know that you will get through the pain. I think part of the pain for me before was not wanting to feel the waves of grief, and fear that they would never subside. It was a blessing and a curse when I lost my 3 shorthairs within the space of 2 years. The blessing was because of the quick succession of each animal my psyche was able to learn the lesson that I do survive. I think when there is a big span between grievings then we forget that the pain will lesson.

Now instead of running or fighting the feelings I just try to soften to them.

And by the way, we love it when people stay connected....that's what I am doing, and Patty and Holli and many others. We all wish we still had our dogs with us, but even without them we can still help others by being here.

Tara

[peeweek9]

Re: Angel Scooter... August 31, 2013

Thanks, Tara.

I know you understand.

[Abby's Mom]

Re: Angel Scooter... August 31, 2013

I love the fact that everyone stays connected, and comes back. It is a wonderful group of people, and if it wasn't because of the Ali's, Ruby's, Decker's, Pip's, Scooter's and many many more that I have not mentioned.. we would not be here.

Barb

[Rubytuesday]

Re: Angel Scooter... August 31, 2013

Hi Eileen, Saw you post on another thread and it was nice. I have been thinking about you the last few days and wondering how you are doing?

Tara

[peeweek9]

Re: Angel Scooter... August 31, 2013

Thanks, Tara.

I am trying to fill the days. The time without Scooter has been a real heartbreak. We all try so hard to do the right things, to learn and to lean on the support here for their welfare and happiness. It does help to know that people on this wonderful site care, but more so, understand what it is like. The loss of a diabetic dog is something that is unexplainable, isn't it? We are their life line and I guess I took it personally when I couldn't save him this last time.

I don't want others to feel too sad. The experience of having that amazing guy in my life was a gift and I will always treasure that I got to be his 'keeper' for all those years.

I sincerely cannot thank you enough for thinking of me and Scooter. It truly means the world to know you are out there, and all of the others here who I care about too.

Eileen

[Abby's Mom]

Re: Angel Scooter... August 31, 2013

Always thinking of you Eileen.... For the short time that we knew Scooter, I could tell he was that special sort of dog that comes into someones' life. It truly is gift that we are bestowed, these wonderful pups.

Barb

[scoora]

Re: Angel Scooter... August 31, 2013

Eileen, Thinking of you and sweet Scooter.
HUGS

[peeweek9]

Re: Angel Scooter... August 31, 2013

Thanks, Vicki.

I still enjoy (don't know if that is the right word) reading the posts. It was strange today...I had an hour or so where it was really tough. I called the hospital and asked them about Scooter's ashes (which are being spread at sea). Circle of Life is the company...and I wanted to know when his ashes were spread. I don't know why I did that...it wasn't too smart as the emotions came flooding back as if he had just passed away. They are sending a commemorative certificate and I wanted to know when I would be receiving it. I sort of want to stop going to the mailbox and hoping it is there.

The girl at the hospital was very nice and listened to me go on and on about how I couldn't save him and she said all the right things...but....geesh we just get so attached to them.

How can I miss him more and more every day? It does give me comfort that you guys are here...and that I can come here to read the stories and hold hope and prayers for those who are working on regulation and all the other things that come our way in treating our pups.

There are so many good people here and it does my heart good to know there are so many people who give so much for the love of a dog and they also care and know this feeling of loss.

Eileen